tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29790463907039985722024-03-19T14:59:30.027+02:00Consider this...Idle thoughts from my life so far - A personal journalJaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.comBlogger100125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-35559601627504495802021-03-10T21:52:00.002+02:002021-03-10T22:03:31.026+02:00بيروت، حبيبتي<p dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span> </span><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hashtag"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Unresolved Mention"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Link"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Smart Link Error"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin-top:0in;
mso-para-margin-right:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt;
mso-para-margin-left:0in;
line-height:107%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif;
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-bidi-font-family:Arial;
mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}
</style>
<![endif]--></span>
</p><div class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">بيروت مدينتي</span></span></span></div><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">بيروت حبيبتي</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">بيروت عشيقة
عشواء </span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">تفتنك وتجذبك
الى عناق يحييك</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">يشد العصب
لترفع رأسك</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">فخراً وشرفاً
أنها أحبتك وأنك تنتمي إليها</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">وبغفلة تقذفك
بعيداً</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">تلفظك إلى غربة
تعريك وتمحي معاني اسمك</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">بيروت حبيبتي
المتمردة</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">تتصارع مع
نفسها بلا ملل</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">لا تقبل النصح</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">لا ترضى بكلام
محبيها</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">أدمنت
الاختلال، في السماء والأرض والبشر</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">تدق الأجراس
عند كل سكرة توهمها</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">بالانتصار على
الخيبة والفشل</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">والعودة الى
عرش تأخرت عنه</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">يعيدها الى مجد
خلا</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">بيروت حبيبتي
المجنونة</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">تدعس في قلبي
لتصل الى هيكل لا يشبه النصر ولا المجد</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">لا يشبه سحر
السماء عند غروبها</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">ولا صمود عقد
عمّره أجدادي</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">لا يشبه أنامل
جدتي تطرز تاريخاً</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">ولا خالي يزرع
ليموناً</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">ولا أمي تغني
لحناً</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">يشيد بجمال لا
يحصى بقلم</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">بيروت حبيبتي
لم تعد تحبني</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">هجرتني على
عتبة وطنيّتي</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">وتركتني أجول
في الديار الغريبة</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">أبحث عن حبيبة
أخرى لن تشبهها يوماً</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">ولن أحبها </span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">ولن أعشقها </span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">مثل بيروت.</span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div><p class="MsoNormal" dir="rtl" style="text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></span></span></p><div dir="rtl" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>
</span></span></div>Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-18833476773626369522019-06-06T15:34:00.001+03:002019-06-06T15:40:49.292+03:00Fireflies<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;">Welcome to our brand new life in Zanzibar. It feels odd to
still be referring to it as ‘brand new’ considering we’ve been here for 6
months, but in truth, I only just feel like we’ve settled in. This was in part
mainly related to our prolonged search for a house – so many options, none of
which ticked the main boxes for our family living – and slowed down by a broken
foot that I acquired at the end of my first week on the island. Nevertheless,
the cast eventually came off (two months later) and we were able to negotiate
an affordable rent on a dream house, our shipment of furniture arrived and was
installed (read: dumped), the furniture was assembled and we were finally ready
to move in. It then felt that the two-month search had squeezed itself into the
last 24 hours of packing all of our pieces that had spilled throughout our
small Airbnb bungalow, and we were finally in our new house late in the
evening, way after dark. In the starkness of our half-opened boxes, piled up
chairs, and dark, unlit garden and pathway, a wave of fearful anxiety washed
over me as I made my way to the car for one final haul from the bungalow. I had
that same knot in my stomache that I did as a child overcoming her fear of the
dark as she forced herself to calmly walk through the unlit living room and
hallway to her bedroom. Keeping that same focus on the steps ahead, I was
startled by some reflection in the bushes which made me stop in my tracks. I
couldn’t quite figure out what was there until I realized that this was my
first ever sighting of fireflies!! In my entire almost-middle-aged life and
throughout all my travels, I had never before come across fireflies outside of
the pages of some novels and my daughter’s stories. And here, at the end of an
exhausting, stressful day, my anxiety was met with the light, joyful
playfulness of fireflies. I could not stop smiling.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;">The garden is better lit now with fewer darkened corners
around the bushes, but I still look for the fireflies when I am walking in at
night. I am so grateful that they continue to find dark spots from which to
flicker their light, which I always take as the same happy greeting as that
first day: we’re happy to see you, welcome home!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br /></div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-83942350255546148422018-11-24T07:19:00.000+02:002018-11-24T07:19:31.355+02:00Relocation Equation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">This is it. The year of planning and applying and fretting
and wondering about where we would go next has fully crystallized in today, my
first working day at my new posting in Tanzania. I am oddly comfortable with
this – with the country that I have never visited, and the colleagues I have
never before met. With the language that is neither familiar nor strange, and the
little roads flanked by tall, slender coconut trees in lieu of sidewalks. This is
a good sign.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I am so happy to be here. It’s an emotion I can’t fully
comprehend, so devoid of the trepidation that lingered on every other time I’ve
moved countries. I wonder where this comes from – have I become an old hand at
this relocation equation? Not sure, but it does bring back to mind a question I
was asked a few weeks ago in the lead up to my final departure. A friend asked
me how I was feeling about the move, about leaving Oman even if we had only
been there for a short three years? If I was anxious about what was to come or
just in general. This is the response that I never sent to her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I would only be fooling myself if I didn’t admit that I was,
of course, quite anxious about the move, for two specific reasons. The first
was all about the logistics of moving and making sure that everything that
needed to get done was getting done, properly, and on time. We had never
shipped our home with us when we moved, so that part was wholly new to us, and
I didn’t know what we would or wouldn’t find in Zanzibar, so I was trying to be
smart about our additional purchases. That is a process that always makes me
anxious because how can I actually be smart about something I don’t know – your
odds of making a good decision are always fifty-fifty and that is so
frustrating. The second was my anxiety about moving my sweet pre-schooler away
from the first home she’d ever known, from a nursery that she liked so much, where
she was popular, and from the first friends she’s made. The mix of emotions is
so chaotic as I tried to balance between how special her childhood will be with
all these travel experiences, and my sadness that she will be too young to
remember this wonderful place that was the site of so many of our happy
routines and moments with her. I would struggle with this every day before
reminding myself how fabulous it will be for her to have seen so many countries
and cultures before she has gone off to college.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As one can imagine, the anxiety is mostly in the waiting. The
truth is, I just wanted the day to come, I wanted to move because I knew that
it is in our nature to then make the most of the situation, find the solutions,
find our bliss in the smallest familiar things and the glorious new finds. The “waiting
place”* was making me anxious, not the rest of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">As I pondered this I also realized that my concern about my
daughter’s connection to Oman was quite exaggerated. My family left Kuwait when
I was less than 2, I have no recollection of it whatsoever, but feel I have a
connection to it because that’s where my journey started. I grew up in the UAE,
and that marked me in many wonderful ways. We were the first generation of
Third Culture Kids, and though the struggle of fitting in everywhere and
nowhere is real, it is also slightly exaggerated. I say that now because I did
eventually move to Lebanon and lived there longer than I had lived anywhere
else, and as patriotic as I am, and as much as I lapped up every moment of
being in my homeland, that was truly, grossly overrated. Before you judge me,
let me explain myself. I found my voice in Lebanon in a way I could not have
done if I were anywhere else in the world, and I would like to think that I was
able to use it to contribute to my country as a good citizen. However, and
without going into a socio-economic-political analysis that we all know, there
is a point where our valuable country starts to feel like the heaviest anchor
pulling you underwater. There is no virtue in drowning, so I cut the rope and
swim for air. The irony of ironies is that every time I have done that, it
leads me to my happy Lebanese identity again. Like I said, I come for the first
generation of Third Culture Kids, but I have never not been Lebanese wherever I
went. And though I am revived by moving around the globe with my Lebanese-ness,
I also know that when the travels end, the only home I will want, the only
place that is home to us, is Lebanon. And that sets my mind at ease when I
think of the Third Culture Childhood I am inflicting on my daughter – I hope
she enjoys and relishes every part of it, I hope she immerses herself in all
the cultures and people we will meet, knowing full well that though we might be
swapping houses every four years or so, and though she may want to continue to
travel and move long after she’s left our nest, there is always a rooted home
for her in Lebanon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That thought banishes any lingering anxiety, and revives my
excitement about moving. As an eloquent friend of few words once told me “if
God had wanted me to stay in one place, he would have made me a tree”. I hope
we learn to plant trees wherever we are, and move on to plant others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">*Homage to Dr. Seuss.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br /></div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-78180328409136847382018-11-24T07:07:00.002+02:002018-11-24T07:07:26.499+02:00Muscat - Mountains, mosques … and malls<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Majestic Muscat is not just a convenient alliteration (though it is that), but there is truly something grand and simultaneously grounded about the capital. When I first arrived, I couldn’t really get a handle on it as it appeared to be all things at once – modern and sophisticated, small and charming, barren and informal, old and new. But it was always accessible and warm. It appeared akin to your third cousin, whose life and quirks you don’t completely understand, but you always enjoy the company.</div>
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A month into our time in Muscat, and the city continues to unfold itself. Since it is quite cosmopolitan, and thus familiar in many ways, its specificities don’t always leap out at you – that is, of course, with the exception of the bold mountain range winding itself around and within the city. Aside from one highway that goes up a steady subtle incline until you notice that you are flanked by hills, there is another mountain-related turn I occasionally take that always takes my breath away. In the midst of traffic and an intricate city highway system, focused on attaining the correct lane to take you where you need to go, you turn under a bridge and there before you emerges a truly majestic scene – the mountain range in the distance made ephemeral with the haze of soft clouds, untouched, unbuilt, and simply grand. Perched on one of the lower hills is a beautiful, delicate mosque that looks like it was cut out of tracing paper and gently laid on the canvas – and from this distance, that is all you see, the buildings and daily hubbub fading at the bottom of your line of sight. I never tire of this view, and I feel it was a generous stroke of urban planning that it is so easily attained from the street, opening it up to everyone driving through, rather than exclusively from selected buildings or houses.</div>
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<span id="yiv7347685364yui_3_16_0_1_1454855612036_18843">The mosques are a whole other story. Having grown up in a very Islamic country and lived in and visited numerous Muslim communities where mosques are omnipresent, I didn’t think that, after all these years, mosques would continue to catch my eye. In Muscat, it would be difficult not to notice them for their beauty, simplicity and grandeur.</span></div>
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<span id="yiv7347685364yui_3_16_0_1_1454855612036_18853">The Grand Mosque, named so because it was built to break world records in the number of worshippers it could hold at any one time, and the largest/longest continuously handwoven prayer rug (a record that was later broken by the Sheikh Zayed Mosque in Abu Dhabi) does not attempt to break records in types of precious material used, or the height of its minarets, or anything of the sort. It is a single-tone terra cotta exterior that expands horizontally across an impressive surface area, decorated only by the intricate, subtle carvings on its exterior. It spreads out octopus-like to its minarets (though not eight of them), with the dome perfectly fitted at the centre looking out at the street like the turbaned head of a sheikh sitting still in silent prayer. It truly is, at the risk of overusing the word, majestic. I won’t go into the description of the other beautifully designed mosques that we’ve seen here, but I will point out that the smaller neighbourhood mosques are similarly attractive in their uncomplicated designs and their harmonic sizes to the neighbourhoods and street corners where they have been installed. When I was a child in Abu Dhabi, we would sometimes dread being around the smaller mosques because they were infamously the ones with the loudest loud speakers. I haven’t been around these neighbourhood mosques around the call to prayer, but their simple minarets seem to imply that they are only there out of respect for prayer times – if you were to come to the mosque or pray at home, the minaret was happy for you to do that of your own will and not because its volume harped on your conscience. The other aspect about these mosques that attracted my attention was that, with the rare exception, they were not named after people or families. Many of them were named for the neighbourhood they were in or after a noble feature (such as dignity). The main reason this caught my attention was because the mosques whose names are known in Beirut are almost exclusively named after a family or person. I won’t go down the path of hypothesizing why that is in Beirut – probably no need – but I have to admit that I was quite touched by the humility with which these mosques in Muscat were built.</span></div>
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As for our last ‘m’, the malls, that are neither majestic nor humble, but they are E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E! So much so that not too far from where we are currently staying, there is one mall right in front of the other (I kid you not, you can drive down one street and turn right to one or left to the other). I am guessing that one way in which it can be profitable to have so many is that they are all, generally, small, or at least smaller than malls that we are used to in other Arab cities. This also means that they are not necessarily always a one-stop-shop, which I believe was the original concept of malls, but they are fun, and air conditioned and quaint, and so I’m grateful they’re around. When on the hunt for maternity clothes (it continues no matter where I am), I was led to a few smaller shopping centres, which clearly pre-dated the mall concept in the capital. I found those fun by virtue of the eclectic types of stores from a mix of eras, and made a mental note to go back and explore them some more. I have a feeling some gems might be found in those stores. Though the real gems are, without fail, to be found in the old Muttrah souq, but that will have to wait for another Muscat installment.</div>
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I will, however, leave you with this last note that I feel summarizes the sophistication of this country. While scanning the radio waves for some good stations, I stumbled upon a classical music station. Yes, a station, an entire air-time schedule dedicated to classical music. I don’t remember the last time I lived in a country that had one of those! But there’s more – the pieces of music are introduced with a short explanation about the composer or the musicians, and peppered with interludes that explore some background about the instruments or the movement. All of these are presented in English, but only after the same content is presented in Arabic first. I’m not sure I can articulate why this moved me so much, but it did, and I loved Muscat more. A friend who had visited Muscat in recent years said that this was one country where she found she was proud to be an Arab – I think I am beginning to understand that.</div>
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<i>*Time lapse: for anyone trying to make sense of my timeline, this was written in 2016, before new motherhood swallowed up my need to write.</i></div>
</div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-41103009710514964872016-01-02T05:50:00.000+02:002016-01-02T05:50:13.446+02:00A new year<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whether we admit it or not, there is something special about
the new year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not referring to the
eve, which I feel is far too overrated, over-celebrated, exaggerated and just
plain pointless.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That celebration hints
of gratitude that we survived another year, which, to be frank, I find
short-sighted, and somewhat defeatist.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The new year, however, January 1, feels like the world’s
birthday (and I love birthdays).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think
about it – you change calendars, remember what you did that day/night (more
than the 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>, 3<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">rd</span></sup>, etc.), you reach out to friends and
relatives you don’t often see/speak to with greetings of happiness and joy, and
you almost always have some ritual attached to the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I was reading the news paper today, I also
felt like the day was one where you look away from the micro- everyday stuff
for a moment and take stock of the big picture – the year in the market,
climate change, fight against poverty, scientific achievements, Nobel prize
winners, wins and losses, and so on. And I believe those reflections have great
opportunities to teach and inspire us. What’s more, this wonderful,
inexplicable ‘hope’ attached to the start of a new year emboldens us with a
willful, can-do attitude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that is
definitely worth celebrating.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So when we exchange new year’s greetings, we’d always be
well-served to think of what we can change, transform, improve, sing, paint,
draw to make our lives, and this world that much better.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Happy 2016!</span></div>
</div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-64282699396601533882015-07-25T21:42:00.001+03:002015-11-25T11:34:31.471+02:00هادية<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">مرّ خمســون يوماً على فراقك</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">خمســون يوماً ... أكثر من دورة قمر وأقل من موســم</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">خمســون يوماً ... مدة بســـيطة بين زيارتين</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">أو مكالمتين</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">أو أغلب الأمور الطبيعية في يوميات حياتنا</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">أثقل<span style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif";">وا</span> كاهلنا</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">أبطأ<span style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif";">وا</span> خطانا</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">بينما بات فراغ غيابك ثقل لا يحتمل؟</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">خمســون يوماً</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">أعدّها كمَن يعدّ حبّات القمح في مخزن المطحنة</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">لا جدوى من العد ســوى محاولة حصر فاشـــلة</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">خمســون يوماً، ســيتبعها خمســون وخمســون</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">وخمســـون</span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">أعدها لأنها ســتتزايد، بينما أيامي معك</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "traditional arabic" , "serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">انتهى عدّها.</span></div>
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Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-46013578147149563802015-06-07T22:31:00.004+03:002015-07-27T18:08:48.775+03:00أميرة<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-42260856772965936002014-11-23T11:26:00.001+02:002014-11-23T11:26:36.759+02:00Ask not what your country can do for you…<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Today is my country’s independence day, but I have given it
another name in recent years. A play on words in Arabic allows me to exchange
one letter and turn it to ‘exploitation day’, though there are frequently times
when I feel that exploitation is not commemorated just that one day a year at
all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love my country and would hope to
always call myself a patriot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t
think that has changed in the last twenty years when I chose to end my expatriation
and return to live and build a career ‘at home’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But something has changed in me, perhaps an
outcome of maturing or of circumstance, but I now find I interpret my
relationship with my country in more practical terms.</div>
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<br /></div>
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As everybody posts photos or statements commemorating the
day and expressing their undying love for our country, another post has also
come up, noting that the date coincides with the birthday of our most famous
and beloved singer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How ironic, I
thought, that the date set to conjure up our sentiments of nationalism falls on
her birthday, the singer whose songs defined that emotional attachment and
lulled us into its romantic notions for years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Growing up as an expat, the plays she sang in were my historical and
social context, my cultural underpinning for the country I had fled that
appeared on my passport, in my parents’ dialect, and in their reflective sighs
and smiles upon hearing her songs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Growing up in a foreign country where we were taught nothing of my
country’s history or geography, it rested in those tunes and those stories. So
I loved the songs and loved my country.</div>
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<br /></div>
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A line from one of those songs has hit the social media
outlets today, for independence day. Above a waving flag and clear blue skies
the statement is made: I love you no matter how you are. I translate it
literally for effect – “no matter how you are”, no matter how you act, feel,
grow, ‘behave’… no matter what you’ve become, I love you.</div>
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<br /></div>
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For the first time in my life, I could not agree.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Lebanon, I love you, I will always love you, but I don’t
think I can love you the way you are any more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is a spot in the mountain that is carved out in my shape, there
are roots to my family tree that run through your veins deeper than my little
leaf on a branch, there is a part of you that will always be for me, and a me
that will always be for you, but I don’t think I can love you the same, not any
more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The rest of you has tipped the
balance… You have broken our hearts as a generation, have humiliated us as a
people, have left us with so little to enjoy that we are constantly angry,
frequently at each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have shattered
our dreams for you, for us with you, and beaten us down with our own hope and
civil action, you have changed us, broken us, and left us lying in a pool of
cynicism and despair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We hold onto that
last flicker of hope like a swimmer coming up for air – because there is
nowhere else to go.</div>
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<br /></div>
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We are a bruised and broken people because of our love for
you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Candles melting at a restaurant
table remind us of nights in the shelter, fireworks – which we can distinguish
from bombing – have their own silent soundtrack, and bribing government
officials to obtain what is rightfully ours has become the norm. We don’t even
flinch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have broken us, and it takes
every ounce of our will and energy to hold on to you, to hold on to our dream
of you, as if saving you from drowning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But you have developed a liking for those dark depths and are pulling us
down with you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What should we do then?
Hold on and slip into the darkness?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love you Lebanon, I will always love you, but I can no
longer love you as you are, and I fear the day will come when I will let go –
an act that will break me even more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Happy birthday.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-52102518651113258012014-02-17T20:03:00.000+02:002014-02-17T20:03:07.114+02:00أحبك كما أحب فلسـطين<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">كما ضاعت فلسـطين؟</span></div>
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Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-28878478447853521932014-01-12T20:39:00.000+02:002014-01-12T20:41:42.444+02:00A note to my unborn child<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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This note is for you, my sweet unborn child.<br />
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<br /></div>
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You may or may not come, God only knows, but I have imagined
you for too long not to write to you.</div>
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You should know from the start that I love you – whether you
remain imaginary or become real – I truly love you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This longing for you over the years, though
sometimes frustrating, has always also brought me joy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love you for being with me and my delays.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I may have not always put you in
consideration as I went about these grand decisions in my life, but I hope and
pray that the outcomes of those decisions serve to make me a better mother to
you.</div>
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<br /></div>
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There is one decision that did concern you, in a big way,
and that was when I chose your father.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
is a good man, and he will be a wonderful father to you, of that I am sure. Marrying
him brought me one giant step closer to you –whether you come or not – and I
will always love him for that.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Meanwhile, my sweet lovely child, we will deliberate on
suitable names for you, we will pay close attention to other parents’
anecdotes, and we will spend time with children we adore – don’t confuse this
with practice, for nothing will be the same when it’s you, when you arrive… We
do this out of joy for the children we’re with, and we do this as we imagine
and hope that doting aunts and uncles will do the same for you one day.</div>
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<br /></div>
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You see, even in this move as with all others, you have
brought me joy… how can I not love you?</div>
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And, my darling, if you do come, know that I have lived this
life preparing for you, and preparing the world for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Forgive me for the compromise this has
brought about. Forgive me if I leave before you reach the age at which I met
you, forgive me if there weren’t enough years left for me to be by your side
through your great triumphs and crises. Forgive me, forgive me, forgive me… You
may think it selfish of me to want you so badly if I knew I was leaving sooner
than other mothers, but believe me it is not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Not completely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is not selfish
because it is beyond my control to want you and love you and cherish you as I
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you are into this world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For whereas I
am fully yours, you are not mine alone.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So let me end this note as I started it, with the one
sentiment that I cannot express enough: I love you.</div>
</div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-68366315224108042852013-12-15T11:06:00.000+02:002014-01-12T20:41:58.197+02:00'Ammi on my mind<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<![endif]-->You were here again today. Not in Abu Dhabi, where you spent
most of your life, not in the café where you spent every afternoon in Beirut,
or the suites where you used to say. You were here again exactly where I last
left you, at the hotel I visited when delivering your invitation to our
wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After we sat there for a few
minutes, smiling sincerely and uttering niceties that don’t really amount to a
conversation, I took my leave in order to continue with my long pre-wedding
task list.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was happy to see you, touched that you were in the country
and could attend my wedding, but I remember walking out thinking how you have
not changed a bit, how you will always be the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder now if that was the whole point, and
if that was a point of pride for you; that you ignored people and even
circumstances, and proudly held on to your quirky individualistic antics no
matter what.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were such a character,
Ammi, that we remember and recount so many of your stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stories that were first told in frustration
became amiable references to your quirkdom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I love that I have all these stories with which to conjure
you up, because it is odd, Ammi, how you so seamlessly removed yourself from
this world, from our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We barely
knew how to mourn you when you passed away… It may be why I held on to that
last hotel as your persistent mark, a fresh memory to preserve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is now over a year later, and every time I
think of you, it feels unreal that you are truly no longer with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That thought is accompanied by a little
smile, and a whispered “may you rest in peace”. Amen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-8923354594842528552013-10-01T15:27:00.000+03:002013-10-02T16:03:57.258+03:00They ask me how it is<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
They ask me how it is, in this country where I live and
love, and where news and politics ricochet off tree branches and crashing waves,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They ask me if I’m safe in the land that cradles me at the
end of a long line of ancestors, each of whom come to me with the smell of the
earth at every first rain, and the sun kissing my cheeks at any time of the
year.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I reply with idle words to comfort them, the banality
soothes their concern – they need not worry, this is how it has always
been. They worry because the news tells
them to worry, because we never appear for our win in an Olympic bid, or for
hosting a world invention summit. We do not appear because we have explorers
who have unearthed keys to the history of civilization (at least not recently),
or because we nurture scientists who have found the cure for anything. If there was a yearbook of nations, we’d be
the country that was voted “Has most potential, but too volatile to succeed”,
or “Intuitively gifted, but has self-destructive tendencies”.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I reply with idle words, though there are times when I’d
like to say much more.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d like to say that I get up every morning not knowing if
my plans will be instantly derailed by security events, but I get up anyway.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That I start planning trips for upcoming holidays not
knowing if the airport will remain open, but I plan anyway.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That I browse through new houses, and make plans for
rebuilding projects at home, not knowing if something will prompt us to leave
suddenly, but I browse anyway.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is indeed how we are, so we have been going on with our
lives for many years, with the threat of something drastic happening looming overhead,
and we go on anyway.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You are right to be concerned for us, for there is clearly
cause for concern. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I reciprocate my concern for you: our threats present themselves
clear as day (sadly), and remain sternly present at the corner of our eyes. Whereas yours fall upon you without heed or
warning.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One is not worse than the other, and equally not better.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am fine and well in the country where I live, and you?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-65510167550598405902013-08-06T08:20:00.001+03:002013-08-06T08:20:30.957+03:00Summertime…<div class="MsoNormal">
Time always takes on a new meaning in the summer. The days
are longer, and somehow appear to be abundant when we stand at the first day of
June and look at the distant mark of the end of August. The truth is that these
long days and broad stretch are a trompe l’oeil
- summer’s irony of ironies is that there is never enough time, there
are never enough days to catch up with everything.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The days run ahead of you with assumptions of availability
for pieces that far outnumber the parts.
Three international festivals? Of course there will be time to participate
in these rare cultural activities and attend at least one event in each. Friends and relatives visiting from abroad?
How can you not find time to see them and catch up when they’ve traveled all
the way to Lebanon for such a short trip (and one day, I’ll figure out how they
manage to overlap their trips so well).
Postponed trips and home projects? Isn’t the summer a better time as it
gets so much busier in the fall? (The answer is no, by the way, but you ignore
that logic and push on.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yes, the summer is the sneakiest trick you play on yourself.
You beat yourself up for not making the most of the season to kick back and
relax (no doubt a throw away from the days of aimless school summer vacations),
while straining your schedule with all sorts of delicately dated events that
fit around festival calendars and travel schedules of others, not to mention
work deadlines that don’t get the memo to go away for the summer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so you arrive as we do now, at the start of August,
where suddenly the end of summer appears within sight, and you panic. First,
you panic at all the summer plans and promises that you still have not met,
then you panic that you’re going to slip back into the usual fall-winter race
without having filled up on summer rest.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One summer soon, I will manage to wear out my swimsuit in
one season as we used to so so many years ago. For now, I’ll practice the grand
summer tradition of hope, and look out at the season from inside my office
window as the inevitable thought slowly rises “Next summer, I’m going to …”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Summer is a sneaky trick, but luckily, we never learn.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-52733244452687956082013-01-11T20:27:00.000+02:002013-01-11T20:32:17.728+02:00Wishing upon a star<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It is the 11<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup> of January, a day that one of the
more famous (though not necessarily more credible) astrologers noted as the day
when the skies open up to all Capricorns and receive their sincerest
wishes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not subscribe to such
announcements or believe in astrologers… but I have been known to regularly
throw coins into fountains, delicately blow out candles, and focus on fallen
eyelashes, placing wishes on each action.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So I basically figured “What’s the harm?”</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the day finally arrived, the biggest burden was not in
forming a wish, but in the unshakeable realization of the 24-hour finiteness of
the day. So do I not get to make wishes for the remaining 354 days of the year?
I know what I want, but am I saying it right? Am I asking with sufficient
sincerity? Is my desire clear?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And mostly, what is truly pertinent: if the 11<span style="font-size: small;"><sup>th</sup>
just happens to be the same day when I’m inundated with a few issues that have
kept me quite preoccupied and unable to focus on said wishes, do I get a
do-over or is this part of the exercise? I mean, if the stars had the day open
just for me, then is it not the same stars that made this such a stress-filled
day? It just doesn’t strike me as the ‘stars being in my favour’ scenario at
all.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I vote for do-over.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
</div>
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-90310641776980282982012-08-27T11:35:00.000+03:002012-08-27T11:35:07.971+03:00One Thread
<span style="font-family: inherit;">For the past several weeks, I have been struggling to write
something new about my time in Khartoum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have a number of half written snippets here or there, but nothing has
quite come together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I pondered the
reasons, one of them finally came to me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After much consideration, I had to admit to
myself that I was not, actually, liking Khartoum too much, and thus was rarely
inspired to write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The architecture, which is usually the first thing to catch
my eye in a new city, especially aged architecture, left much to be
desired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The ostentatiously large villas
that popped up here and there aside, most of which touted quite attractive,
shiny-new architectural features, much of the city looked like the aftermath of
a tidal wave that swept in plastic half-parts and stuck them across the surface
of the city like a disjointed jigsaw puzzle.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I also had to admit that I was putting Khartoum in an
impossible position – I felt the more modern parts of it were awkwardly
juxtaposed against the dusty roads, which also immediately reminded me that
they were not accessible to many a local Sudani.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought I would like the more populously
lived areas, but when I got to any of them, I found that I also didn’t like the
seemingly random chaos of the small and big buildings, many a half-painted wall,
and the ubiquitous dirt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I said, I
was putting Khartoum in an impossible position. I supposed if I could
understand any part of it, I would be able to catch that thread to liking it
more, but it has not happened yet.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another contributing factor was the general prohibition on
taking photographs in public. I don’t know the reason, but it has been
confirmed to me by a number of sources.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One colleague providing the solution ‘just have a Sudanese person with
you’, which did nothing to explain the rationale.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So there I stood: failing at hooking into an
aspect of the city that I liked, and denied my usual camera medium for
discovering such aspects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It practically
de-motivated me from walking around the city altogether, and thus slowly
distanced me from it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was also yearning for some exposure to real Sudanese
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Working long hours at an office
can get you into a socializing rut that, you soon realize, seems to mainly
involve other internationals, who are wonderful, but they are not, by definition,
local.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Besides, when internationals get
together, our main conversation usually focuses on our own lives back home (not
Sudan), or on how we are finding ways to adapt and adjust what is available to
us in Khartoum to best approximate things we liked back home (again, not
Sudan).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The anthropologist in me was
getting frustrated that my experience was such that I could be living anywhere,
and since I wasn’t in Beirut with my sweet husband, family and friends, then I
didn’t really want to be ‘anywhere’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I must have been sending out this message into the universe
because, shortly afterwards, I got invited to a concert commemorating the work
of a famous Sudanese singer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A day after
that I had a pleasant experience with a sweet local neighbor, and earlier that
same day, I’d finally been able to go on one of my random walks in the alleys
nearby and at long last got a glimpse of what draws me to communities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so happy to have the excuse to remember
them today as they might very well be the start of that thread I’ve been
searching for.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As I set off on that walk, dodging the holes and rocks on
the uneven sandy roads, I tried to keep an eye up at the extremely large houses
marking the area, and pretty much creating the road around them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It consistently surprised me to see the sand
stop suddenly at the edge of a carefully paved driveway with its grand gate,
and always made me wonder why the owner who invested so much into this home to
top all homes didn’t spend a little more to pour asphalt around it. If each of
these houses did that, most of the sandy road (if not all of it) would be
perfectly asphalted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I raised this
question to a couple of friends, and never got more than a sigh in
response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I continued to walk,
however, my attention was frequently drawn to the carefully tended trees
planted around the houses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are
lush, and a pleasant presence, and clearly required a lot of care to blossom in
their spot of fertilized dirt fending away the dry surrounding sand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They sit at the outside of the high wall
marking the contours of the house’s grounds, which reaffirms that they have
been planted here not for the residents of the house, but for us, to enjoy
their shade or beauty just so. How kind.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Other houses would have another welcome distraction outside
their walls; a set of three or more clay water gourds, possibly bigger than the
one that used to sit in my grandmother’s courtyard, sitting moist on a stand to
cater to any thirsty passerby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some are
placed in honor of a late family member (men and women alike, I was happy to
note), others are just there as they are, and seeing them always moves me
immensely as I find it an infinitely kind gesture in Sudan’s heat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lightened by these observations, I walked on, trying to
carefully keep track of the heat, and zipping into any shaded alleys I
saw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then, walking out onto a big side
street, I finally saw what I realized I was looking for all along. I saw a
mule-drawn flat carriage carrying its owner and a few urns of milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t misunderstand me, it’s not that I was
searching for a ‘quaint’ image of the ‘locals’ – not at all. I was just
thrilled that these neigbourhoods that had exchanged orchards for big houses
were still of equal claim to the other Sudanis.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was thrilled to have a genuine element of daily life, as it is plainly
lived, enter into this vista of polished signs on awkward shops, and plastic
flowers adorning shop windows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, on
all other days of my bumpy, dusty rides through the city, I find that the
plastic flowers are ever-present but the milk seller and his mule are not.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So now that I know the thread is there, I just need to hold
on to it tightly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One element that will
make it easier for me to bear the process is, no surprise, the people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Sudanese are probably the kindest people
I have ever met, in word and deed. So much so that they can frequently
unknowingly put you to shame by their noble interaction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are just indescribably sweet, enough to
make anyone seek out that thread and hold on to it – you figure that a country
that has bred such fine people must have many saving graces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pity they’re not easier to find… I might have
to venture out of Khartoum to uncover more.</span><br />
Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-36354577471753191012012-06-30T16:29:00.002+03:002012-06-30T16:29:36.118+03:00The House of the (Hot) Rising Sun<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="background-color: white;">There is a
lot of talk about the heat, here in Sudan. As I enter the office every morning,
the security guard greeting me will ask me “keef el sakhana?” (how’s the heat?)
with a smile that is part solidarity, part apology.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;">It was sweet the first few days, but three
weeks in, it’s getting tired. The same goes for the number of (extremely) sweet
counterparts that I am meeting, each of which will not end a conversation with
me without mentioning the heat.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;">This
carried me through the spectrum of graceful gratitude for their small talk
about the weather, to wondering whether I was exhibiting some undesirable side
effects of the heat and this is their polite way of excusing me (paranoia
much?).</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There are no
two ways about it – Khartoum is hot!
It’s hot and dry. I spent my first few days moisturizing my dried skin
and soothing my itchy, dried out nose (and clean up whatever imagery that
conjures up, there was no unseemly picking taking place, just a lot of
incessant nose-blowing). It is
sufficiently hot, even with air conditioning, that my hair is tied up and away
from my neck for all but a few short periods during the day. It’s hot that, when I took too long to find
water on my first walk out and about town, I could almost feel my body
absorbing any hydrated cells, and felt I was dehydrating as quickly as litmus
paper changes colour. Yes, it’s hot… but it was hot yesterday, hot today, and
will probably be hot again tomorrow – can we stop talking about it and wrecking
my attempts at tuning it out and getting on with my day?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
There is
really only one point in the day where the heat truly bothers me, physically
moving me out of my spot, and that is during the afternoon when it chooses my
exact corner of the office to beat against rather persistently. It’s a
completely unfair fight where the air-conditioner and ceiling fan simply cannot
abate its power despite their best efforts.
As I try to withstand this lapping heat in the last hour or so of the
workshift, I cannot help but silently hum the song; house of the rising (or
afternoon-setting) sun, indeed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
This also
always brings me back to thinking of the little compound that makes up our
offices. A series of six villas, three on either side of a central driveway,
which also leads off to a small tennis court/football field, swimming pool
(I’ve only seen one, I’m told there’s another) and underground gym. Though this lends itself to much suspicion as
to what sort of financial management would allow such premises, let me explain
the situation as it was explained to me on my first day. We are apparently located in an affluent part
of town, an area that used to consist of orchards leading up to the Nile (very
close by), and was then sold off plot by plot to rich Sudanis who wanted to
build lavish homes for themselves, and their families. Yes, that’s plural –
it’s apparently common for fathers to build a mini-compound of villas or
apartments to be inhabited by himself and each of his sons. When I was told
this of our office complex, I jumped to the mistaken conclusion that it was a
one-off type of construction. That was,
until I walked around some structures in the neighbourhood. I was passing this
one gate to the driveway of a three storey building, which seemed like
semi-detached houses, and had taken many strides before I started wondering why
there were no other gates along this long wall. My question was soon answered
at the other end of the wall, when I found the entrance gate and the sign
“Ahmad Moussa & Sons Residence”. I
did not even have time to giggle at this company-name-type format to the houses
before I came upon another one and another, and I wondered how these fathers
had succeeded in persuading their sons to live next door when the owner of our
office complex had clearly failed – we were the villas’ first inhabitants. There is many a day when I walk through the
re-divisioned office-villas and wonder how they were meant to be lived in… and
wonder, as well, who would have occupied my hot corner in the sun, we might
have had a few stories to share.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-20893691754884600842012-06-12T14:31:00.004+03:002012-06-12T14:33:44.055+03:00Haboob<span style="font-family: inherit;">My first encounter with Sudan came in the form of a lovable
sounding phenomenon: ‘haboob’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can
assure you that nobody in Khartoum was referring to it in loving or endearing
tones, but whoever thought of calling this phenomenon of a ‘soft’, continuous
sand-carrying wind something as cute as ‘haboob’ knew that newcomers would not
be able to utter the name without following it with a comical smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good on them, because shortly after
encountering haboob, it becomes a central nuisance to your daily life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Haboob made an appearance before I even got here – it was
active the night I was flying in and there were some concerns that the flight
might not be able to land, or possibly be delayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a 3am flight is delayed does that mean
it’s arriving late or early? Doesn’t the ‘late clock’ reset at dawn?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I digress.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The plane landed safely, and I decided that
too much of nothing was being made of this haboob… until I got to the guest
house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This seemingly mild-mannered wind
has sneaky ways, literally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The moment
you enter any room, you sense that something else is already there, and you
find it as soon as you touch anything: the thinnest film of orange sand – <b><i>on</i></b>
– <b><i>everything</i></b>!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Slighter
than Gulf desert sand, but more tangible than dust, it immediately colours the
soles of your feet, and wraps itself around the toilet seat, wash basin, cups
and utensils, and practically anything else exposed to light.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s still haboob, so I smile, wipe the
surface and carry on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The locals have
developed many a trick to deal with haboob, I’ll try to learn them quickly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the meantime, I’ve been implementing a few of my tricks
to settle in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My familiar pillow,
sheets, towels, soaps, etc. everything was quickly unpacked and put in place,
with the additional cozy accommodation being provided by a dear friend’s
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is so much better than any
prior move, but it still took me a couple of days to gain my bearings and
settle in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I assign one part of that to
the early hour arrival on the first day, and I can’t but acknowledge that the
last piece fell into place when I finally obtained my very own local phone
chip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was utterly restless for two
days, got the chip, made two phone calls – just two calls – and that’s it, I
was settled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When did we (I) get so spoiled
by technology?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those two days without a
local phone felt like an eternity, and I felt completely suspended out of time
and place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How did this happen?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I went to university for the first time
many (many) years ago, my only certain form of contact was a landline somewhere
in the vicinity of what would be my room, and I took great care to register and
share that number as appropriate. Now, we travel half way across the world
without paying much attention to our points of contact, we hold on to our cell
phone and its roaming capacities like a lifeline, and we feel abandoned and
lost without the full use of those services – either roaming or from a freshly
acquired local cell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if that weren’t
enough, I have now developed an additional dependency on internet access
through my phone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may share such a
dependency with me, and if you do, I invite you in joining me in this exercise:
go to a mirror, look yourself squarely in the eyes and say “Seriously??!”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you’re wondering what this has to do with a short travel
note about Sudan, it is because I have spent this, my first day off in the
city, in the cooled comfort of this flat and the familiar company of my
internet world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I promise to head out
tomorrow and I’m sure I’ll have more to share then, and it will, no doubt, be
hot!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">
</span>Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-45373179801287965072012-05-23T12:00:00.000+03:002012-05-27T01:26:37.992+03:00Stick in your Spokes<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I pondered
for a moment if I should have chosen “Like Riding a Bike” as a title instead,
but decided that would have been too misleading.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Like Riding a Bike” is a much more
reassuring expression meant to instill confidence in what you are about to do,
that the motions will synchronise perfectly and you will find that sought after
balance.</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That is
hardly the sensation I am trying to describe.</span></div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is one of
those days in Lebanon, one of those days when you think your day is best served
by time-efficiency and smart planning – plotting your errands or meetings as
per relative geographic location and traffic trends, filtering and prioritizing
those that are restricted by bank opening hours, meal times, or other similar
considerations; similarly working out the day’s wardrobe to suit the spectrum
of meetings and occasions, and so on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
I started saying, it is one of those days where you <b><i>think</i></b> that is
how your day can best be served… until you are startled by a stick in your
spokes that brings your bike to a frightening halt and hurls you over the
handlebars to a dusty, heavy thud on to the ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are not hurt, you stand up and assess the
damage to your clothes (dusty and you find a tear somewhere), to your body (that’s
going to bruise, but span of motion is normal), and to your bike, that looks so
graceless in its distorted form on the ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is no major damage to speak of, but the incident has completely
shaken you up, disoriented you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You try
to pull yourself back together, but you continue to feel unsettled, and that
sticks with you for the rest of the day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You ride your bike with an eerie focus on not falling off again, so much
so that you can’t think of anything else, or allow yourself to slip into a
playful ‘swoop’ as you slightly avert your eyes to look at shop windows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You reach one destination and you second,
third and fourth guess the next one, trying to convince yourself that it truly
is necessary, and failing that in the face of the hundred opposing excuses you
have come up with, you decide instead to return home to relative safety… and do
nothing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You have so
much to do, so much that you could be doing, and yet you are too restless to be
able to focus on any of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your entire
day has been derailed, like a stick in your spokes.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A friend or
a loved one who hears the news is similarly rattled and as they cannot assess
the extent of the damage or how you are continuing your day, are also stuck in
that state of worry.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ironically,
both of you are now restless, and busying yourselves with mundane tasks and pedantic
motions in your attempt to stop thinking of the event, the accident, and what
this could mean for the next day and the day after that.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As you have
gathered, the proverbial stick in our spokes can represent a number of things:
a shooting, a bombing, an assassination, a protest that blocks streets and sets
tires to fire… A sudden unexpected event that derails your day, rattles you,
leaves you unsettled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sadly, we seem to
be practiced in such experiences, so much so that we each fall into our usual motions
for coping, self-preservation, moving on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We dust ourselves off and try to get on with it, some form of muscle
memory lifting us back into a precarious balance as we pedal forward. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ironically,
like riding a bike.</span>Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-46835787164211246902012-04-21T23:50:00.000+03:002012-05-27T01:03:51.557+03:00قلمي<strong><br /></strong><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>آه ... ما ألذّ هذه اللحظة...</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>لحظة سـكينة... هروب مؤقت من زحمة حياتي</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>صفحة بيضاء تغريني بتألقها واحتمالاتها</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<strong><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">وارتياحي لثقل القلم في يدي</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Traditional Arabic;"></span><br /> </strong><br />
<strong></strong></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<strong><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">قلم يمشي من اليمين الى اليسـار</span> </strong></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>حركة حميمية: يدي اليمنى تأتي بالقلم أقرب وأقرب الى قلبي مع كل كلمة</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>أشـفق على من لا يعرف لغة تحمل إليه هذا الشـعور وهو يكتب</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>أشـفق على من لا يتمتع بحرف كالحرف العربي الذي يُرسـم ولا يُكتب</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<strong><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">يلتفّ وينتصب ويتطلّب التنمّق بـ"شـدّة" هنا وتنوين هناك</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Traditional Arabic;"></span><br /> </strong><br />
<strong></strong></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<strong><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">حرف يبعث فيك الحيوية واللهو، فيحثك على الكتابة حتى تمتلئ الصفحة!</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: Traditional Arabic;"></span><br /> </strong><br />
<strong></strong></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>واليوم، هذا كل ما اريده</strong></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" dir="RTL" style="direction: rtl; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: right; unicode-bidi: embed;">
<strong><span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;">أن أضمّ هذا القلم... وألعب!</span></strong><br />
<strong><br /> </strong><br />
<strong></strong></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>للرسـّام ريشـته وللموسـيقار آلته، وأنا اليوم لي قلمي يرقص ويراقصني
"على موّاله"</strong></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>أعتذر عن أنانية (ومتعة) هذه الحركة</strong></span></div>
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<span lang="AR-LB" style="font-family: "Traditional Arabic","serif"; font-size: 16pt; mso-bidi-language: AR-LB;"><strong>فلا مكان لثالث في هذه الرقصة!<o:p></o:p></strong></span></div>
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<strong><br /></strong></div>Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-9393941670153543462011-11-23T14:35:00.003+02:002011-12-01T15:16:39.175+02:00In love with nature…I was recently on a short business trip, and I was sort of dreading the whole trip, including the country of destination. I was aware of this, of course, but was still ashamed of myself when – upon hearing any piece of news related to either the project or the country – I would jump to the irrational conclusion that that might be enough to cancel the trip. Like I said, I was ashamed, but there it was. In the end, there weren’t sufficient reasons to derail the trip and I found myself, plainly and simply, traveling.<br /><br />Among the coping skills I’ve learned as an adult, I put on a brave face and tried to seem un-phased by this non-turn of events. I believe I was doing this so well that I almost seemed callously indifferent. That is until we were in the car, driving on a sleek highway next to a sweet hillside that was spotted with airbrushes of orange and yellow. Oh my goodness – autumn!! One of my favorite seasons that is beyond brief in my beloved Lebanon, where the leaves don’t linger and fade, they opt instead to just drop at the first sign of wintery weather. I looked again to make sure it wasn’t just a type of boring tree, perhaps a breed that was too lazy to carry full-colour leaves to begin with (you may be puzzled by this notion since, as far as I know, no such tree exists, but that might just describe to you how un-excited I was about visiting this country). By that second look, my cynical callous indifference had all but withered and I found myself goofily smiling at this beautiful hillside holding autumn for me, for me to enjoy. <br /><br />How ironic, I thought, that it would be this beautiful nature that would make me like this country again. This is when I realized that it wasn’t the first time. I could remember being on a bus from London to Oxford, upset and depressed by the usual gloomy, wet weather, when I looked out at a field with edges that disappeared over the horizon, and seemed to reflect a tinge of lush, rich, deep green onto the otherwise non-descript sky. All I could think of was ‘emerald’, and how, for the length of that field, I felt as if I was inside one. <br /><br />I thought back to one of my many walks in Sri Lanka, when I would reach the point of saturation with all the dust, sun, heat and shriveled, dried up bark (which would give you the feeling that the sun practically peeled it off the trees and sucked the moist life out of it). Just around then, I would feel a slight, delicate cool, and would look up to find I was walking next to a majestically upright coconut tree, bending just so at the top out of its easy-going and kind shade-y character.<br /><br />I would think of a perfectly smooth, wavy sand dune in Sharjah’s otherwise lifeless desert where I grew up, of a lake appearing like an oasis beneath the narrow, winding roads somewhere between Sanaa and Taez in Yemen, and so on and so on.<br /><br />So there it was, a self-realization revealing itself to me for the first time, that it isn’t always my lofty notions of anthropological curiosity, courteous interaction with people, or self-disciplined motivation that keep me connected to places, and thus people. It was something much simpler all along and for which I can claim no credit whatsoever – but I'm happy to take a back seat to nature any day!Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-9780515036792889192011-11-17T17:26:00.003+02:002011-11-18T00:18:01.882+02:00Write, dammit!!The home page for one of my browsers, the one I use most often, is this blog. I did not do this out of egoism, but rather as a reminder for me to write, write, write. Whereas this reminder was pleasant in the past, it has now become a plainly annoying nag. Why do I do this to myself?<br /><br />But the truth is that I do miss writing, so I came here today equipped only with my virtual pen and this blank page, with no particular idea, inclination or direction… let’s see where we end up.<br /><br />I’m in a coffee shop with free wifi, decent music, and a strict non-smoking policy, there are a handful of these around town that have become my makeshift workspaces when I get too restless (and undisciplined) to work from home. I actually do have a cool set-up at home – I custom-designed my desk, have a couple of my favourite Klimts hanging right above to keep me calm and inspired, have broken in my office chair just so, and am at the perfect angle and distance from the air conditioner to remain perfectly cool/warm, depending on the weather. My coffee-shop workspaces have none of these traits, but they all share one feature that is sometimes central to getting any work done: they force me to stay seated. At these coffee shops, there are no TVs and shows that come up and “who knows when they’ll be screened again” (who am I kidding, I know they’ll be back on in 4 hours). There also aren’t any dishes in the sink, or laundry in the hamper that I can suddenly decide to feign a heightened hygiene conscience and feel propelled to clean right this instant. There aren’t any rooms to tidy up, even though they have been comfortably neglected for weeks, or any phone calls to make, or plants to water, and so on, and so on.<br /><br />No, these coffee shops are the closest type of workspace to my offices. And the procrastination they offer is also quite similar – websurfing, emails, and – wait for it – blogging! <br /><br />As a matter of fact, there are so many similarities to my previous routine of working in an office that I have begun to doubt my level of productivity during all those years of employment. I mean, was it truly an achievement to respond to around 50 emails a day, playing a virtual ping-pong game of ideas, that take much longer to see tangible fruition sans ping-pong? Did I really need to spend late afternoons writing comprehensive reports that would later be butchered into one-page briefs general enough to be relevant to just about any other project? I’m not sure… I often feel that, at the end of the day, I get things done within roughly the same period of time, but there is much more ‘camouflaged wasted time’ in an office than there is when I call it a day and decide to, say, cook or go for a walk.<br /><br />What I don’t often get to do, sadly, is just write… The biggest downside of not being in an office and full-time employment is that you never have those lulls where your mind just gets to wander aimlessly and not immediately get roped back in by to-do lists and deadlines. When in an office, there are always some episodes that are just so mind-numbingly infuriating or boring (think back to just about any meeting that has gone too long) that they set my mind free to daydream, and that’s usually when the first lines of a blog entry come to mind. I’ll have to work on creating some daydream episodes, preferably without the infuriation!Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-995314463936484382011-04-20T22:14:00.002+03:002011-04-21T10:40:44.257+03:00You Never Forget the War…For cultures like ours that are prone to drama, we hold onto and mark all sorts of dates that – mostly – refer to a dramatic event. When speaking of national memory, this is at a whole different level to the “Where were you when Kennedy was shot?” question for a few simple reasons. Firstly, we don’t linger too long at the ‘it was just a regular day’ part of the story and choose to go into much more depth at how the world changed as a consequence. Second, although the Americans probably posed the question as an opener for a shared experience and shared grief, we tend to slip into a somewhat competitive discussion of which of us was affected more, closer to the event, or understood it at a whole other level and was thus more intimately touched by it.<br /><br />All sarcasm aside, the main difference in our region is that we have far too many days to mark and remember, far too many events that provoke the question “where were you when…?” For stretches at a time, our lives were (are) defined by these rather than by our own regular life events. We don’t remember the year a cousin underwent surgery to remove his appendix because it was the same year that our 6-year-old lost her first teeth, but rather that that was the year of a particular conflict or bombing and the roads were closed, or the electricity was out. I suppose this is why you can never quite forget the war: it’s part of our calendar.<br /><br />And, of course, the list goes on: I remember when one conflict broke out because it was exactly a week before the date of my PhD defense and almost threatened my chances for traveling. Similarly, I remember the years of a particular reunion, and a friend’s wedding, because I managed to slip out of the country and back right before the airport closed in both those years. This naturally brings back memories of the first time the airport closed because we were not so lucky that time around and fled the country by land. Yes, I remember that year as well for the same reason.<br /><br />You never forget the war because fireworks continue to make your hair stand on end, and you recognize the sound of tanks rumbling through the streets at night. Because every summer reminds you of one you spent under siege, where you couldn’t go near the beach and, even though you’re not a regular beachgoer, you can’t forget how much your body missed the sun that year. You never forget the war because, every time you travel out of the country, you still can’t chase away that fleeting thought that something might happen while you’re away, and are you prepared in case it does.<br /><br />I think, however, that what most compels us to remember the war is that we lived to reflect on it, we survived. After the war in 2006, one of my expatriate colleagues was part of the first convoy to go down to the ravaged South after the war had ended. For a week, most of what they saw in the villages was funeral processions for those who had been found amidst the destruction and rubble and this naturally overwhelmed him. During one phone call, he kept repeating that we (the national staff) really had to go down there, searching for the words he tried to explain “you have to come down and stand witness to this part of your compatriots’ history”.<br /><br />So, yes, you never forget the war for all your personal reasons, but it is not (just) that we are unable to forget - we are actually duty-bound to remember.Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-77474065090313893962011-04-05T15:33:00.000+03:002011-04-05T15:34:00.248+03:00Dunya's BahrainSince the unrest in Bahrain started, I could only think of my Bahraini friends and what they were going through; I would recall their thoughtful quiet concern for me and my family when we were facing our own forms of conflict in Lebanon, and I shuddered at the analogy. That sweet island nation that I had always held as the pride of the gulf (from the opinion of an expat who grew up in one of the gulf states), that country and those people were too sweet and, well, innocent to become jaded like us.<br /><br />The twist that drove me completely mad was when the ripple effect of a Lebanese leader’s speech led to the discontinuation of all flights between our two countries, also cutting off phone connections. We were left to the one last channel of communication – the gracious internet. <br /><br />I was ecstatic to see Dunya appear online and could not find larger letters in which to greet her. Her sweet subdued greetings were immediately followed with a sardonic “See, we can’t come to Lebanon these days”. I could imagine her mirroring my disappointed restrained smile at her end of the connection, and a simultaneous unspoken thought “thank goodness they managed to come for a visit to Beirut late last year”.<br /><br />I wanted to know how she and her family were, if the images we were seeing on the news were accurate or exaggerated, and I wanted her to write about it. I so desperately wanted to hear the inside voice of someone as secular and balanced as her infusing the overriding discourse with simple humane insight. She had already started it with a short poignant email that she sent to her friends, simply saying “My name is Dunya, I’m not Sunni and I’m not Shiite: I’m Bahraini; I want to live in peace and justice”. This would be the sentiment she would repeat when I asked how she was, “we are all a mix in Bahrain, you see it in my family and others (families of mixed religions) and we are all okay… (how can) we have a clash between Sunni and Shiite? We never thought of it that way, we were always only Bahraini.” She was upset at this instigation of sectarian confrontations, insisting that they represented a smaller portion of Bahrainis trying to change the system, which was not accepted by all of them. “Even here”, she continues, “we say that not all who acted were Shiite”. And right then came the exclamation that news reporters and politicians often overlook, “I just hope everything will finish soon”, she sighed, “so we can get back to normal life.”<br /><br />These are the voices that people needed to hear, I insisted, and went on trying to persuade, push and goad her into writing something, at how important it was for the outside world to access what was actually happening on the ground. “We are trying”, she would say, “but we need them to be stopped first…” I would insist, then she would demure “I am not a good writer”, I would continue with offers to assist, trying hard not to push her too far. I paused, waited for a response, a little silent lapse was followed with “will try, but writing is very emotional these days”. <br />I stopped. I just continued with our chat instead, and found myself asking her when we were wrapping up if I could share what she had told me with others.<br /><br />“I know you know more thank you think, you met my family which gives you a sample of what it is in Bahrain. I am Bahraini, the thought of being Sunni or Shiite was irrelevant, we live in one house and you can see that I am Sunni, my sister is Shiite, but quite simply we are all Bahrainis.” She continued, “We all need more rights in Bahrain, as everywhere, but we want the royal family because we don’t want the country to be ruled by religious men, like in Iran or Saudi Arabia. When I was in the UK, I hated it when people looked at me suspiciously because I am Muslim (because of my veil), as if I was the one who had a hand in what happened in the US or the undergrounds, so I will never do that to a Shiite. I believe that in this world we have two types of people: good people and bad people, regardless of religion and ethnicity.” Dunya was raised in a Sunni-Shiite home and I asked whether that balance from inside the family and home might have had the larger influence on her. “I’m sure it has”, she said, “but this is how we all lived in Bahrain. I might have been more affected, but you will see that even Bahrainies today, when this is passed and forgotten, they will get back to how we were. As we always say ‘al deen lillah wal watan lil jamee’ (religion is for God and the country is for all)”.<br /><br />But if that was the overriding Bahraini sentiment, then why were some people resorting to protests and clashes and touting them as rights along sectarian lines? “Politics is a dirty game”, she said simply, “people play it for their own agendas.” As much of the protest was against the royal family, I wondered for a moment what would happen to Bahrain without them, “We would be like Lebanon”, she stated plainly, the analogy that I had chased away at the beginning of our chat re-emerging on its own. “We would end up in civil war, because the Shiites and the Sunnis will fight for everything, and religious leaders will rule. So, yes, we do need change, we all say we deserve a better life, more freedoms, more rights, but removing the royal family is not the way to get those things. Besides, those factors are not all controlled by the royal family, and if you compare us to other gulf states, it’s clear that Bahrain is better off than the others.”<br /><br />With that insight, I was suddenly a little more confused and had to ask what other factors were there, then, that stood in the way of reforms? My wise diplomatic friend lobbed it back at me saying “people like you will know the truth without me saying it; some will only believe what they want.” <br /><br />The subject somehow changed, could have been by either one of us, as we both needed a breather to take in all that was said. I was still bewitched by her response when I asked her what it meant for her to be a Bahraini. She was quiet for what seemed like a very strained minute and replied “Bahrain nour el ‘ein (Bahrain is the light of my eye)”. That statement took my breath away.<br /><br />We got a little distracted with news of impending storms when she said, “You know, when the tsunami happened in Japan, I told all my friends (Sunni and Shiite) that it would be very bad if we died hating each other, so let’s work for improvement instead.”<br /><br />Well said.Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-69472221194509887862010-11-30T09:18:00.002+02:002010-11-30T09:24:15.758+02:00You Get Proud by Practicing - A poem by Laura HersheyI feel sad that I found Laura Hershey's work so late in the day, after she had passed on. I have not been able to let go of this poem since I read it, and felt it really needed to just keep spreading.<br /><br />You Get Proud by Practicing<br />by Laura Hershey<br /><br />If you are not proud<br />For who you are, for what you say, for how you look;<br />If every time you stop<br />To think of yourself, you do not see yourself glowing<br />With golden light; do not, therefore, give up on yourself.<br />You can get proud.<br /><br />You do not need<br />A better body, a purer spirit, or a Ph.D.<br />To be proud.<br />You do not need<br />A lot of money, a handsome boyfriend, or a nice car.<br />You do not need<br />To be able to walk, or see, or hear,<br />Or use big, complicated words,<br />Or do any of those things that you just can’t do<br />To be proud. A caseworker<br />Cannot make you proud,<br />Or a doctor.<br />You only need more practice.<br />You get proud by practicing.<br /><br />There are many many ways to get proud.<br />You can try riding a horse, or skiing on one leg,<br />Or playing guitar,<br />And do well or not so well,<br />And be glad you tried<br />Either way.<br />You can show<br />Something you’ve made<br />To someone you respect<br />And be happy with it no matter<br />What they say.<br />You can say<br />What you think, though you know<br />Other people do not think the same way, and you can<br />keep saying it, even if they tell you<br />You are crazy.<br /><br />You can add your voice<br />All night to the voices<br />Of a hundred and fifty others<br />In a circle<br />Around a jailhouse<br />Where your brothers and sisters are being held<br />For blocking buses with no lifts,<br />Or you can be one of the ones<br />Inside the jailhouse,<br />Knowing of the circle outside.<br />You can speak your love<br />To a friend<br />Without fear.<br />You can find someone who will listen to you<br />Without judging you or doubting you or being<br />Afraid of you<br />And let you hear yourself perhaps<br />For the very first time.<br />These are all ways<br />Of getting proud.<br />None of them<br />Are easy, but all of them<br />Are possible. You can do all of these things,<br />Or just one of them again and again.<br />You get proud<br />By practicing.<br /><br />Power makes you proud, and power<br />Comes in many fine forms<br />Supple and rich as butterfly wings.<br />It is music<br />when you practice opening your mouth<br />And liking what you hear<br />Because it is the sound of your own<br />True voice.<br /><br />It is sunlight<br />Wen you practice seeing<br />Strength and beauty in everyone,<br />Including yourself.<br />It is dance<br />when you practice knowing<br />That what you do<br />And the way you do it<br />Is the right way for you<br />And cannot be called wrong.<br />All these hold<br />More power than weapons or money<br />Or lies.<br />All these practices bring power, and power<br />Makes you proud.<br />You get proud<br />By practicing.<br /><br />Remember, you weren’t the one<br />Who made you ashamed,<br />But you are the one<br />Who can make you proud.<br />Just practice,<br />Practice until you get proud, and once you are proud,<br />Keep practicing so you won’t forget.<br />You get proud<br />By practicing.<br /><br /><br />More can be found about Laura Hershey, including her publications and how to order them, on her webpage: www.laurahershey.comJaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2979046390703998572.post-66620842173997165642010-11-28T15:08:00.000+02:002010-11-28T15:09:43.850+02:00Remembering Usama…“I should go…”, still seated, he pauses for a moment, looks towards the people walking in and out, almost as if he expects to see Usama among them, then finding him in a unique Usama-story or fond memory, he turns back to tell me all about it. He needed to talk about you, and I needed to listen and remember you and mirror the conservative smile lightening his sad grey face. It felt like we were two survivalists huddling around our memories of you to keep warm. The somber arrangements were very fitting of your stature, but they were too contradictorily dark to your generally buoyant nature. We missed you and we needed to bring you back through your stories.<br /><br />It was natural that you were thus the hero of our stories, but what quickly emerged was that you were a hero in each of the stories. Calming one crisis with absolute logic, or wittily restoring dignity in another; deflecting our irrationality with kind humour, and encouraging us instead to colour outside the line and look at it all a little differently. When my brother first met you and asked what it was that you did, your spontaneous response was “I play”, and that’s how you made everything seem. I always thought I’d arrived on the scene too late to have had stories with you, but as I started to cling on to what my memory contained of you, I was happy to find that there were a few there… What I will hold on to most avidly is that excited feeling in the last few minutes as I would be approaching your house, when the same thought always came to my mind: “I wonder what Usama will be teaching me today…” Any day that revived my anticipation of wonder and reminded me just how vast the world was, was a good day.<br /><br />I will miss you, Usama.Jaleelahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04713636454279158360noreply@blogger.com0